November 22, 2007 - A funny thing happened at the chiropractor's office |
I've been seeing a chiropractor the last couple weeks for some shoulder and back pain. I will soon be out of work, so I am getting ALL my health-related affairs in order before my insurance benefits run out. Anyway, I've never had a spinal adjustment before in my life. But from what I have seen, I was kind of afraid going in to this. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago, so systemic pain is nothing new to me, but I still don't really like the idea of someone snapping my head around and hearing my bones crackle. After I had been given a therapy session of electrode thingamadoodles on my back and shoulders, which felt soooooo wonderful, I was put into a room with a horrific looking table in it.
I really was not liking the way this was looking for me. The doctor came in and we went over my x-rays. Apparently, I could solve a lot of my problems if I changed my name to Quasimodo. But we came to an agreement on a treatment plan which did include some spinal manipulations. Dr. D put the obligatory toilet seat cover on the head/face cushion part of the table and told me to get on the table face down. I did and he hit a lever on the table of death that made me feel like the part that should be supporting my upper legs had just fallen away. He pokes around on my spine for a few seconds, talking to me about the Philippines and chiropractic modalties in Taiwan, when suddenly he pressed so quick and firmly that my spine snapped from the lower middle of my back to the base of my skull! No "here we go", no "okay, now gently breathe all the way out"...no "don't worry, this won't kill you". I was so shocked, and yet morbidly fascinated at the same time. He just kept talking about this and that, and proceeded to snap me a couple more times. Then I was asked to roll over on my right side. That was no problem, though I was quite afraid any twisting motion would render me unable to walk for the rest of my life.
I managed to get onto my right side. Dr. D brought my left knee fully bent and my left hand somehow was resting nearly on my own armpit. This was all well and good, but it left my right arm just sort of flailing about with no real place to be. It didn't matter because the crack came swiftly. This time, my hip, lower back, and somehow my neck, all cracked. Time to roll over on the left side.
This was a little more difficult. The table is actually pretty narrow to be tossing and turning about on. I had to maneuver myself 180 degrees with freshly snapped bones. I managed, and even put myself into that figure 4 for the manipulation and closed my eyes. Apparently, Dr D didn't think I was far enough to the edge of the narrow little table of torture...so he grabbed hold of the bend of my right knee and my right arm and simply PULLS me to the edge of the table. I instantly knew I was going to fall right off the stupid table. Just before I had closed my eyes, I had noticed a ficus tree just at the head of the table, and my instinct for survival kicked in at the sensation of falling to the floor. My one arm that was left flailing about just snaked out and grabbed onto that ficus tree for dear life! It held steady and I wasn't falling, but why in the world was there fabric on a ficus tree? Still clinging with the grip of a rock climber, I opened my eyes to discover I had not, in fact, grabbed the ficus tree, but had instead, grabbed the good Dr. D right in the, erm, upper middle thigh-ish area (if you know what I mean)!!!!
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. All I could say was "Oh my God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm soooo sorry! I thought I was falling! I'm sorry." etc, etc..... He just calmly said that he wasn't going to let me fall. I should have let the episode die right then, but when I get embarrassed like that, I just keep on making it worse. I managed to blurt out: "I thought I was grabbing the ficus tree!" To which he quickly replied, "No, that was my wallet."
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November 22, 2007 - Wow! |
| Posted by Ginafish |
| I actually snorted that was so funny!! I'm sure he's use to taking from people's wallets, but not other's actually grabbing his! |
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November 23, 2007 - Classic |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| That was hilarious. Nice story, thartley. :-) |
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November 23, 2007 - Hilarious! |
| Posted by KitKat |
Funniest story I've read in a long time. I've been in your place before, but I've never experienced such an exciting doctor's appointment. Loved your photos! Thanks for the laugh to start my day. |
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